The Truth about Stay at Home Moms
Ever since going back to work, after five months of maternity leave, I have been curious about the lives of parents who stay at home with their kids. Do they love it, or do they secretly hate it?
I imagine its a bit of both. I like to think that I get a glimpse into this on weekends. When there are stretches during a Saturday or Sunday when we have a really good rhythm. Leaving me feeling capable and happy with my wily boy. On the other hand there are nap protests & horrible table manners (thank you iPad & friends who don't mind a two foot tall companion) at a restaurant or in the country wine tasting or doing all the things that 30-something grown ups want to do.
Long story short, Monday morning comes and we go our separate ways and we are all the better for it (thank you mom!) So when my friend Liz made the decision to stay at home with her kids earlier this year I was really interested in her perspective. We loosely worked together over the past few years and she welcomed baby number two a little over a year ago.
Like lots of working parents reconciling the hours spent at work while your kids are awake, active and hitting milestones (behind your back) is difficult. For us, this is a big part of the reason why we put Mo to bed at 9pm.
But back to Liz, in January when she committed to being a stay at home mom for the unforeseen future. Since then, I not so secretly have loved her live updates via instagram stories. I had been putting off asking her to write a post about the transition and paint an honest picture for us. Fortunately she just relaunched her blog and has written about being a stay at home mom two times already. Her first post, 5 things I learned my first month as a stay at home mom and her most recent Deep Thoughts On Stay at Home Motherhood. Below is an excerpt:
I’m going to tell you something I’ve never actually said out loud, and it’s a hard truth to admit to. When I was a working mom there was a small part of me that judged stay-at-home-moms. While I preached, and still do preach, that everyone is just doing the best they can for their families, and that looks different for everyone, I’d secretly say to myself, “But I could never stay at home. I don’t know how they do that. I couldn’t sacrifice my career, my time, my money, to be home.” There was this tiny sliver that sort of looked down on SAHMs. Like I was a little better because I had a career. I was going to work. I was doing something. I know these thoughts were a defense mechanism. I felt huge guilt leaving my children 8+ hours a day to go to work. But I also felt really proud of my career, of my worth-ethic, of my paycheck. I simultaneously loved and hated dropping my kids off at daycare, because I hated saying goodbye to them, but I also loved having some time for myself — to do something I was good at and earn a living.
Thanks so much for sharing Liz! I will continue to live vicariously through your stay at home mom escapades on IG stories :)
xx Ly